When the early part of January 2023 began, the lump was much larger. I knew I needed to go to the doctor. Along with more research, I tried Ayurveda herbs and longer water fasts. I guess I wanted to give it one last go the natural way. My body does not do well with fasts, and I lost weight. That loss was not something I wanted since I was already somewhat slim.
Key Note: The previous year's experience had given me a sure knowledge on what I needed to do moving forward. Without following a natural, holistic path, I would have had no surety that I needed to go to a doctor. I think this surety helped me to not give up during my treatments later on. I knew I had nothing else that worked for me without 'Western medicine'.
Is Having an Overactive Nervous System the same as Having Mental Health Issues?
I ask that question because I can definitely say I have an overactive nervous system. Many people have started to refer to it as HSP or Highly Sensitive Person. You can get more information about it by clicking here from Dr. Elaine Aron. (*A Side Note: I have learned a few things that greatly reduced this issue for me. Maybe it can help you too. I'll share more about this in upcoming posts.)
This can make new, unexpected or unknown things not just uncomfortable, but terrifying to face. So even though I knew I needed to make an appointment for the doctor, I had no ability to do it myself. The high emotions were such that I could liken it to chains holding me back and not allowing me to simply do what I wanted and needed to do.
Letting My Emotions Out
On 26 January 2023, finally all my built up emotions were let out to my husband. I told him I knew I needed to go to a doctor but felt so much fear and anxiety, it made it so hard to pick up the phone. In the end, he simply told me he could set up an appointment for me and go with me if that helped. Him offering to do that made me feel a relief and calm that I cannot explain. I will forever be grateful for him doing that for me. After this, I felt the strong feelings lower enough for me to look up online pictures and reviews of doctors I would like going to. So my husband's support gave me my ability to calm my HSP and, with his help and doing this process with me, I was able to do this very hard thing. Going to the doctor was scary because deep down, I already knew it was cancer, and I was afraid of what going through chemotherapy would be like for me.
Lesson Learned
If you are going through these same kind of feelings and you need to do something that is just beyond you, think of a small first-step that would need to be done to start it, and ask someone if they would do it with you to make progress towards it. Ask for help. Sometimes progress can only be made with the help of others. Don't wait to ask.
We made the first doctor's appointment but it was a whole month away. With how large the lump was getting, I needed to be seen as soon as possible. What happened next was a wonderful miracle. On January 31st only 5 days after our conversation, an ice storm came. It caused schools to close, my husband's work to close, and many appointments to be cancelled with my doctor. Even better, the roads were fine to drive on. So I went with my husband to my first doctor appointment. On this day, the lump was very hard. It made my left side 1.5-2 bra cup sizes bigger than my right side. It had a dark skin color on the side of the lump. Thankfully, it didn't hurt.....yet.
I shake my head at the thought of those emotions preventing me from going sooner before it got that big. My PCP sent me very quickly to get a mammogram and ultrasound. I was also referred to an oncologist. I have been very blessed with amazing doctors and nurses this entire process.
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